July 2017

Becoming

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

 

But we ought always to give thanks to God for you, brothers beloved by the Lord, because God chose you as the first fruits to be saved, through sanctification by the Spirit and belief in the truth. 

2 Thessalonians 2:13

 

 

    Around my house, we have an ongoing joke that my husband is going through the process of progressive “Eddie”fication rather than the process of progressive sanctification. I'm not referring to edification here- the building up of the body- this is more of a joke. His dad is named Eddie, and it seems like every day he becomes more and more like him. They are so similar in looks, mannerisms, likes, dislikes, and quirks. He is becoming his father just as each of us is becoming something. 

    Have you ever heard that you become the average of the five people you spend most of your time around? The more you spend time with people the more you begin to mirror them. Have you ever noticed that friend groups tend to dress alike, have similar interests, similar goals, and have similar hobbies? It is a psychological phenomenon. You become like others naturally.

    Becoming more and more like Jesus each day is unnatural. The process of progressive sanctification is so very contrary to what we as people do naturally. When we spend time with others, they change us from the outside in. The Spirit of God does the opposite. He changes people from the inside out. 

    Take a minute to take stock of your life. Do you look more like your friends, your family, or Jesus? Is he transforming you through the process of progressive sanctification, more and more every day into his image? If he isn't’ - asks yourself the hard question of why. Every child of God is on their path of progressive sanctification - where are you?

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

June 2017

Great Expectations

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever,

- John 14:6

 

 

    As I sit writing today I am at youth camp. I”m not quite sure how I get roped into helping plan youth camp every year - but I do. This year we’re near the beach. It is fun for the kids. They don’t get to travel to the beach often. In preparation I’ve planned all kinds of outdoor large group games. We plan to have a kickball tournament, a volleyball tournament, and a messy games relay. I’d though through all of my favorite youth camp games, done some googling, and headed to Wal-mart. I had all the details worked out. I had great expectations for how things would turn out. Only one problem - once we arrive at camp it has rained every day, pretty much all day. In my mind - these games were ruined! The kids would have no fun, and camp would be a disaster. Things were not playing out exactly how I had planned them. 

    We have great expectations for life, too. When life throws you a curve ball it is easy to think it is time to throw in the towel and give up. It is easy to crumble under the weight of the expectations we’ve set. Take curveballs as a time to be flexible. Things can end up better than planned when you have to accommodate for life. You know what is more fun than a kickball game? A mud kick ball game in a rain storm. The kids had a blast. They made memories with each other that will last forever. Life can be that way, too. If you allow yourself to see things from another perspective. If you need help seeing life from another perspective - just consult the Helper you have been given - he is great at helping you see things from a different angle. 

    

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

May 2017

Fresh Starts

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. 

- Ecclesiastes 3:1

 

 

    It is the end of the school year. Seniors are graduating (kindergarten, high school, and college). Life is full of recitals, awards banquets, championships, and final games. Things are coming to a natural end. It is the ebb and flow of life in America. Church programs wrap up with the school year, and in a few short months, everyone gets a fresh start. There truly is a season for everything and summer is the season for ends and new beginnings. 

    In your life do you think you need a fresh start? Do you feel the desire to turn over a new leaf or begin a new journey? Sometimes you think you need to wait until January to being again. Hear me here; you don’t! Any Monday is just as good as any other for a fresh start. Let’s put things into perspective - new years resolutions don’t work. Small things you add into your daily schedule work. If you want to start regularly flossing the best way to get there is to start by flossing one tooth each day after you brush. Soon the two things become connected. It is exponentially easier to jump from flossing one tooth daily to flossing all of your teeth than the jump is from not flossing at all to flossing one tooth daily. You can trick your mind into creating a big habit out of a small one. 

    Since this is a season for change - let’s be proactive about the small changes you want to make in your life - hit your fresh start running. 

    

 

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

April 2017

Proportions

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

And my God will fully supply your every need according to his glorious riches

in the Messiah Jesus. - Philippians 4:19

 

 

  Just like last year, my husband and I finished up planting our garden on Good Friday. Since this isn’t our first garden (it is our second), we’ve learned a few things and we’re not the newbies we were last year. We’ve got our overalls, we’ve got our tools, and we know how to use the tiller (now). One of the lessons we’ve learned since last year is that plants need only a few things to thrive. They will try to tell you differently at the feed store - but don’t listen! Plants need sunlight, plants need air, plants need good soil, and plants need water. The only problem you’ll find with these four things is when they are out of proportion. 
    A few weeks back we had a pretty bad storm at our house. It rained harder than I’ve seen it rain in a long time for almost a whole night. We had already planted our herbs in two big barrels and the next morning they were swimming. There were a few inches of water sitting on top the soil. Hoping the sun would dry it up and the soil would soak it up - I did nothing. I just went on with my day. 
    Sometimes my life looks an awful lot like my drowning herbs. God gives me all the things I need. He gives me a place to live, he gives me people who love me, he gives me a job to do, and he gives me people to care for. The only problems I find are when these four things get out of proportion. Sometimes I find I can drown myself in my job or in taking care of others and then everything else suffers. Balance is the key. Just like the herbs in my garden I need all the Lord has given me in the right proportions. 
    A day or so later my husband and I were in the yard and saw the herbs were looking rather sad. Some were brownish, some were shriveled, and others were covered in soil. We picked up the barrel (ok, maybe he picked up the barrel) and drilled a handful of holes in the bottom of it so it could drain better. We helped it get back into a good place where it was getting all the things it needs in the right proportions. During this experience I could almost her God screaming over to me “More isn’t always better” and that something we can all apply to our lives. If you focus too much on the place he gives you to live all you’ll see is immediate needs. If you focus too much on the people who love you, you’ll miss the ones you need to love. If you focus too much on the job he has given you to do you’ll miss out on caring for yourself and others. If you focus too much on the people you’re supposed to care for you may miss out on caring for yourself. He gives us everything we need in the proportions we need them in for today. It is our job to steward our gifts well each day. 

    

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

March 2017

Carrots & Weeds

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

And some fell into good soil and grew and yielded a hundredfold.

― Luke 8:8

     The parsonage my husband and I live in is very close to our church. When the men come to cut the church’s grass they just scoot on over and cut our grass, too. It had been quite a while since the last time it was cut since our yard turns into a small swamp when it rains as much as it has been lately. The grass cutting was probably quite a task for them this time. They used the riding mower and did quite a bit of weed eating. The weeds in our backyard swamp were getting a little crazy. They had grown on to the patio and they had grown all through our above ground gardening boxes choking out everything that was left over from our winter garden. 

    Honestly, the garden was pretty much a failure this season. The deer got to it before it could really get going. We kind of gave up on it - hoping to just start over in the spring. The grass cutting men just took a weed eater to all of it. When I came home later in the day our yard looked brand new. Everything thing was cleaned up and the grass was even. When I walked to our garden boxes in the back yard I noticed something funny. When the yard guy used the weedeater in the boxes he uncovered a whole crop of carrots I didn’t even know were there. He lopped off the tops of the carrots along with the weeds uncovering dozens of little orange circles budding up out of the soil. This whole time I was looking at the disaster on the surface I didn’t even notice what was going on under the soil. 

    I think this happens with our lives, too. We get so focused on the chaos of our lives and the weeds we see weaving their way through that we forget about the things God is doing under the surface. What good things is God growing up in you under the surface even when things look chaotic on the outside? In Christians, times of trial are when God grows the fruits of the Spirit in our lives. Take time to metaphorically look past the weeds in your life - what is God growing up under them? What are you missing that God is doing because you're so distracted by the chaos? 

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

February 2017

Impartiality

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

For there is no partiality with God.

― Paul, Romans 2:11

    The other day I had a kid from church come over to help out around the yard. I’m a huge fan of having kids over to help out and I don’t mind putting money toward their youth camp fund in return. This kid picked up hundreds of sticks and cleaned out our chicken coop (yes, we have chickens - Jacob, Rachel, and Leah). When this kid went to clean the coop out, he opened up the rooster part first. Upon opening it up he found two chickens and one weenie dog. Yes, you read it right - two chickens and one weenie dog hanging out in perfect harmony in our eden like back yard. I wish I could have gotten a picture of it for you guys! I would have sent it with the article. 

    This week my pets taught me a good lesson. They are so very different, yet they live in harmony. They get along, they eat together, play together, and even “roost” together. Sometimes as Christians we may find it hard to get along with people who are different. Maybe they look different, maybe they live life differently, maybe speak a different language (or might as well speak a different language). This is essentially the same thing Paul is talking about in Romans when he says “for there is not partiality with God.” 

    In Romans, Paul is encouraging the Jews to get along with the Gentiles regardless of how different they may be. Paul is attempting to explain to the Jews that God shows no partiality and neither should they, regardless of if they are Jewish or not. You see this same theme throughout the New Testament as a reminder to Christians. The same reminder Paul and other New Testament authors give early Christians is the same reminder I give you today. God shows no partiality. Regardless of how different you may be from the people around you, learn to “roost” together. 

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

 

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

January 2017

Patience

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

But do not overlook this one fact, beloved, that with the Lord one day is as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

― Peter, 2 Peter 3:8

    We live in a immediate generation. One of the hallmarks of this time in history is the ability to have things now. Want dinner? Zip through a drive through window. Want to see a movie? Stream it on your computer right now. Want a new book? Browse a few online and download it to a kindle to read it immediately. Want a new coat? Peruse an online store and over-night ship it. You can have it by the morning. As a by-product of this immediacy, patience is not a quality many seem to possess. This phenomena can not be blamed on anyone in particular. Patience is something that is grown and now-days long suffering patience is not something you see much of in everyday life. 

    In counseling terms patience is sometimes called frustration tolerance. It is the ability to to want more of something, or less of something, or to simply want for something in general and to prolong getting it without it having negative implications on your mood. Research has shown the ability to delay gratification or increase your frustration tolerance is linked to successfulness later in life. 

    One of my favorite communicable attribute of God is His patience. Peter speaks in his second letter ofthe Lord’s time. He says a thousand years is like a day to the Lord. He is patient with humanity - showing no regard for the time it takes. Rather than pouring out His wrath He waits so that more may come to repentance. Since God is patient with us, we can utilize patience as a Fruit of His Spirit. He can help us to be patient with others. Even though our culture does not value patience and our world does not help us to grow patience God still can. We can be patient with others for the sake of the Gospel. 

    Take a minute to pray for you to develop an ability to tolerate frustrations without your mood being impacted. Pray that you will be patient with others. Pray that this patience will translate into love for others. Pray that this patience, rather than impatience, will be a hallmark of your behavior. Pray that others will come to know Christ through you gaining the privilege to sharing the Gospel with them because of the patience and love you show. 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

 

December 2016

Reframing

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.” 

― Paul, Philippians 1:14

    Re-framing is a word counselors use to describe the ability people have to look at circumstances from another perspective. When people come into my office with various issues one of the major tasks I help them with is re-framing. It is usually easier for others to re-frame your problems than it is for you because they aren’t in the midst of them. It is similar to inviting an interior decorator into you home. They can usually take things you already own and move them around and then somehow your living room appears to have jumped out of a magazine. They are able to look at your old stuff in a different light - or re-frame it. 

    Re-framing is exactly what Paul was able to do in his letter to the church at Philippi. Paul is writing to his friends from prison when he says “Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.” Paul is able to see the bigger purpose for his imprisonment. He sees that God has given him a new mission field of people he would have not encountered otherwise and he is not waisting it. During his time in prison “it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ.” Can you say this about hardship in your life? Has it become clear the people you encounter due to your hardship know you are in metaphorical chains for Christ? 

    Take some time to personalize this scripture for yourself. Fill in these blanks with what is going on in your life as if you are writing this letter yourself : 

“Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters, that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the ________________ and to everyone else that I ________________ for Christ. And because of my __________, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.”

Maybe for you it has become clear throughout the whole hospital and to everyone else that your cancer is for Christ. And because of your caner, most of the brothers and sisters you encounter at the hospital have become confident in the Lord and proclaim the gospel without fear. Or possibly, maybe for you it is something else.  Don’t waste your metaphorical chains. 

Author Bio

Dr. Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor-Supervisor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, senior pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

November 2016

Reconceptualizing the Mission Field

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

“Our relationship with God and relationship with others are two sides of the same coin.” 

― Peter Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

 

 

 

    In a few days I’ll be headed off on a jet plane to an island in the ocean. When I arrive I’ll be shuttled off to an orphanage to care for people in a very specific way. This care I speak of is a specific way I have been trained and is also the way the Lord has gifted me with my personality, talents, and interest. While I’m headed somewhere to “do” this it is also part of who I am. If I’m here on the mainland, living my life or oversees in a third world country - I’m doing the same thing. It is my ministry and essentially my everyday life. I often hear people speak of their “ministry” or going to the mission field as something foreign from their everyday life. In psychology we call this compartmentalization. We see it as people having different versions of themselves they “are” in different areas of life. Do you compartmentalize Christianity or has it revolutionized your entire life? 

    Take a minute to survey yourself. Do you see any compartments? Do you have a part of your life that is “ministry” or a mission field? Or is your life a ministry and the world your mission field? 

 

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

October 2016

Burn Out

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

The apostles returned to Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. And he said to them, “Come away by yourselves to a desolate place and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a desolate place by themselves.

- Mark 6:30-32 

 

 

    Lately, I have heard many of my friends and family speak of being physically and emotionally tired, exhausted, stretched too thin, burnt out, and overworked. They wake up thinking about what time they will be able to get back in bed at night and get excited when plans get canceled. They never feel fully caught up on whatever the task may be so they are always running behind and running late. I don’t think this is isolated to my friends and family or even to me. I think this feeling is common among Christians in all phases and stages of life. 

    A mentor once told me “Sometimes one of the most spiritual things you can do is to take a nap.” While a good nap can fix almost anything the word “no” can fix even more. Most people have various things in their schedule that they don’t enjoy or are no longer functional for them to do. Saying no, especially in a church setting, frees up many things that you are not called to do for others who are called to do them.  It also frees up your time to help you focus on the things that are most important to you. Take an inventory of how you spend your time and identify things you can cut out. 

    Once you’ve mastered saying no you’ll have the time to seek solitude. There are many practical ways to seek solitude. You can remove clutter or “visual noise” from your living space. You can begin to be intentional about the types of things you listen to in your home, car, and office. You can take time out of your day to sit in silence. Maybe outdoors are relaxing to you - spend time there. Maybe indoors are relaxing to you - spend time there. Do things you enjoy. 

    Another mentor repeatedly reminds me, “take time for yourself - it is the least selfish thing you can do.” Get the amount of sleep you need, take care of yourself physically, eat regularly and eat healthier than you do. To feel fully rested (emotionally and physically) you need time for solitude and sleep. Follow Jesus’ example and the directions he gave the apostles: take time for leisure, sleeping, eating, and solitude.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

September 2016

Illusion of Control

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

“In his hand is the life of every living thing and the breath of all mankind.”

- Job 12:10

 

 

    Over the past month, life in the area we live has changed drastically. Since the Great Flood of 2016 people have grieved the loss of homes, possessions, friends, family, and loved pets. Each person’s loss is different - yet just as difficult to grieve. While the loss has been great, the outpouring of love from others has also been great. People have given their time, resources, and hearts to others to help meet the needs they can. As a counselor, one resource I am easily able to give is a listening ear. 

    I’ve heard people cry over homes, cherished heirlooms, photographs, home movies, “new” furniture, “old” furniture, and various other things that simply “can’t be replaced.” While people tell me their story there is one specific loss that is much greater than any other they mention. This loss holds a great psychological weight and creates, in many cases, more emotional distress than the rest. This loss is common among people who have experienced a natural disaster, a near death experience, or traumatic event of some kind. This loss is the illusion of control. Many people feel in control of their lives, their families, their finances, or their possessions. It takes an “act of God” for people to realize they can only control themselves, and even so - they are at the mercy of God who gives them breath. God, who sets the stars in the sky and knows them by name (Psalms 147:4) also carries humanity into each day (Psalms 68:19). 

    The feeling of being “out of control” is psychologically uncomfortable. People take extreme measures to never experience this feeling. If you’ve been feeling out of control lately: remember, you do not need control - you need the One who is in complete control. Embrace the feelings that come with losing the illusion of control with the full knowledge that God has got you! He is in complete control and wants to hear about your losses, your sorrow, and your pain. With him in control you are free to see the blessings he sends your way each day. 

 

 

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

August 2016

Firm Foundation

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

“Everyone who comes to me and hears my words and does them, I will show you what he is like:he is like a man building a house, who dug deep and laid the foundation on the rock. And when a flood arose, the stream broke against that house and could not shake it, because it had been well built.”

- Jesus Luke 6:47-48 

 

 

    As I sit to write today I am surrounded by flooding. I’ve been stuck in my house for two days. Yesterday my husband and I got cabin fever and went “exploring.” We took our jeep and drove over to the Amite River bridge very close to our home to see for ourselves what the news stations keep talking about. As I sat there and watched the water rushing nearly over the bridge I became a little awe-struck. I saw various kinds of people’s belongings floating quickly down the river - at the mercy of the waters. Over the last few days between fifteen and twenty inches of rain have fallen in the area where I live. Ponds and now lakes and rivers have overflown into pastures, yards, homes. Roadways and bridges and covered in water and are impassable. It might not occur to you until you’ve seen it but water is a very powerful tool. When harnessed, it can create enough energy to power a city through a dam or when left unharnessed destroy nearly everything in its way that isn’t on a firm foundation.     

    Life is a lot like the nearly 45-foot deep water that is rushing under and almost over the Amite River bridge near my home. If you’re not on a firm foundation and aren’t intentional about things your life can be like the many ice chests, tires, and ladders I saw being dragged by the rushing current down the river. When you’re just going with the flow you’re not in control of your life, you are being controlled by that which surrounds you. While I was watching the waters rush past me I noticed a single tree in the distance on what was surely the banks of the Amite River a few days ago but was now the middle of the Amite River. I watched as the waters parted when they came to it and flowed around it on both sides. The tree remained unmoved. The tree had a firm foundation - firmly rooted deep in the ground. This image stuck with me. I felt as if the Lord was saying to me “What are you rooted in? What is your firm foundation? What have you built your life upon?”. When the metaphorical waters of life rise will you be swept away by the current that surrounds you or will the waters part around you while you remain unmoved because of your firm foundation? 

 

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

July 2016

Suffering Well

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

“In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.”

Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning

 

 

    I want to introduce you to a little-known man named Viktor Emil Frankl. Viktor was a Holocaust survivor but you won’t find museums in his honor. He changed the way people conceptualize suffering but you can’t tour his home like Anne Frank. In his life before the Holocaust he was an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist. During the time he was imprisoned in various concentration camps, including Auschwitz, he was witness to great human suffering and analyzed the nature of suffering from a scholarly perspective. There are few people in the world (present or past) I would consider larger than life. Viktor Frankl is one of these people.    

    Lately it seems that there has been much suffering around the world. If you look to any media outlet you can find news of natural disaster and man-made disaster. In one of my favorite quotes Frankl states, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In these hard times many things can be taken. Loved ones, the feeling of safety or security, and freedoms of various kinds can be taken from us but our ability to choose our own response to suffering can never be taken from us. Frankl also says “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” 

    In these hard times we are give the space to choose how we would like to respond or react to the world. Our response can be one that mirrors the fruit of the spirit as found in Galatians 5:22-23 or we can choose to react in a manner that mirrors the rest of the world. Frank says “An abnormal reaction to an abnormal situation is normal behavior.” May our abnormal reactions be ones of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. 

 

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

June 2016

My First Rodeo

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

The one who says he abides in him ought to walk in the same manner that He walked. 

1 John 2:6

 

 

    I grew up in the fast-paced city where we bought our fresh veggies from the store rather than grabbing them out of the garden. Our canned veggies came in metal cans with labels rather than in hand canned jars. The slow country life I have found myself living is very different than how I grew up. God has a funny way of giving you just what you need. This week I learned the time tested art of canning. I spent the afternoon with someone who taught me how to can pickles. We made sweet and spicy pickles. 

    We went through each step, one by one. She would tell me about it, show me how, and watch me do it. After I caught on she began to do other things around her kitchen. I did’t think she way paying close attention to what I was doing anymore but as soon as I skipped a step she noticed and let me know. At no point in my lesson did I get frustrated with her for guiding me or correcting me. She is a master canner and this was my first rodeo. 

        In reflecting on this new venture I began to think about discipleship and church discipline. I sought out someone to teach me something new. I found someone who had been doing it much longer than me and was very good at it. I allowed myself to learn from her and be corrected by her. In the Christian life we don’t always find someone further down the road from us to teach us new things. We also get very frustrated when people see us doing something incorrectly or skipping a step and they reach out to correct us. Why is this the case? If you aren't learning from someone and having someone learn from you then you are missing one of the most important aspects of Christianity.

        

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

May 2016

Feeding Sin

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me. Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion. Psalms 19:13

 

 

    A couple months ago our family dog went missing. Since then we (and various people in our community) have been on the lookout for a handsome brown and white boxer named Eli. About a month ago we got a call about a dog someone saw on the side of the road. He was skinny, he was weak, he was scared. We should have just left him there in hopes that he would make back it to his home. We shouldn’t have felt so sorry for him. We shouldn’t have taken him to our house and we definitely shouldn’t have fed him. Needless to say - for the last month, we have been housing a stray dog.

        At first, it was novel. We missed our dog and this dog was similar to ours - but it wasn’t ours. We felt sorry for him and started feeding him. He gained weight and began to look healthier and happier. At first, he was cute, but soon he became not so very cute. He knocked over our trash cans, he tore up our trash, he laid on plants in our garden, and he seemed to think our whole yard was a bathroom. We knew we couldn’t keep him - our other dog was an inside dog and this dog was NOT an inside dog. I hoped each morning that I would wake up and he would just be gone - or when I came in from town he would be nowhere to be found but that was not the case. He was alway there. 

        In all of my complaining, someone explained to me in a very matter of fact manner, “He is never going to leave if you keep feeding him.” I never really thought about it that way. This dog snuck into my life just like sin does. At first, sin is novel but soon it becomes uncontrollable. It never simply goes away on its own when it becomes a nuisance - because you feed it. Sin must be starved. You must quit feeding sin by not partaking in it and creating boundaries around yourself that make partaking in that particular sin very complicated. You must be proactive with sin - you can’t expect it to disappear. As for the dog, being proactive looked like us actively finding his owners. As for sin, being proactive looks like finding accountability, confessing your sin, and creating a plan to starve the sin.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

April 2016

Waiting

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalms 130:5-6 

 

 

    My husband and I planted our garden on Good Friday. This is the first year we have ever planted a garden in our yard. Usually, our house serves as a kind of hospice for plants - it is the place they come to die. We’ve killed succulents, air plants, and cactuses. We’ve killed the kind of plants that florists will say are self-sufficient - maybe we heard it as a challenge. This year has been different. In the past few weeks, we have planted, waited, and seen things grow. 

    If you’ve ever done something in faith and had to wait for the results then you know where I’m going here. We planted the seeds, used fancy fertilizer, watered, and made sure they got sun. We woke up each morning and walked out to inspect and see if anything sprouted. Weeks went by and it seemed like nothing was happening. From the surface, it looked like we failed again. In life sometimes we find ourselves waiting for the Lord to do something. We do our part and we leave it to him but each morning we wake up and look to see if anything has happened and we see no change. 

    A friend told me the other day that when you plant the seeds they have to grow roots down and grow up through the dirt. When we see nothing happening on the surface the hard work for the plant is happening just under the surface. This is how waiting on the Lord is, too. We put in the work and begin to wait on the results but this is the time he is working under the surface. Don't give up praying. Wake up each morning to look for the sprouts of what God is doing in your life. 

    

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

March 2016

    The Most Taxing Time of the Year

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Then give backto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

Luke 20:25

 

    While March is usually known for the start of Spring, getting ready for Easter, and allergies it is also well known for tax season. I don’t know about you but there is something about doing my taxes that makes me want to perfect my budget. I guess it is seeing how much we really do spend on carwashes, cold drinks at the gas station, and coffee that puts things into perspective. Those big yearly totals are really helpful in seeing trends in spending and telling us something about our priorities. 

    Growing up my Mom and Dad always told me to tithe ten percent, save ten percent, and live off the rest. This was a great lesson for me in saving for the things I really wanted and giving even when I really wanted something for myself. I’ve also noticed this 10-10-80 budget works great for your time. If you “tithe” ten percent of your time to Lord you’ll be surprised how much you will accomplish. So many people say they don’t have time for volunteering at church, reading the Bible, prayer, and helping widows and orphans. If you tithe just ten percent of your time you’ll find you have almost two and a half hours a day. You have more time than you know! Next you can “save” ten percent of your time. Spend this time doing favors for your future self. You can make the coffee for tomorrow, get some exercise, floss your teeth, or do a few tasks you shouldn’t really put off. Your future self will thank you. Once you have taken the tithe time and the save time right off the top you will have eighty percent of you time to live off of. 

    This eighty percent of your day you have left amounts to 19 hours. Take a minute to budget your eighty percent. Include all those things that are true priorities to you. This should include sleeping, working, spending time with loved ones, spending time on hobbies, and spending time doing chores of various kinds. When you tell yourself how you will spend your day, just like telling yourself how to spend your money, your time won’t run away from you nearly as fast. 

    

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

February 2016

    Spring Cleaning

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.

Psalms 51:10

 

    The first day of Spring is creeping up on you. March is right around the corner. The weather is about to change. Before you know it the flowers will be blooming, allergens will be flying, and the compulsive need to spring clean will over take you. It happens every year, as the season changes people feel the need to get their “stuff” together. This year when you start to feel the need to clean up and out around your home remember to check for intangible “stuff” in your life that might need to go, too.

    People need differing degrees of two types of structure in their lives, internal structure and external structure. When the urge to spring clean strikes people usually focus on external structure. They being to situate things in their external environment so they are structured in a way they can appreciate. Some people are highly structured and need things just so, others are less structured and can tolerate flexibility and uncertainty. When focusing on external structure each person feels “done” once they reach the optimal level of structure they desire. When it comes to internal structure, people seek to feel as if they have things in life under control. Sometimes people confuse the two and no matter how much spring cleaning or organizing they do it never seems finished. 

    When March comes around and you being to clean out the garage or junk drawer remember to look inward for things you may need to get rid of. This can include many types of things like unhealthy relationships, unhealthy habits, and poor coping skills. This spring don’t do it halfway. Do a full Spring cleaning inside and out. 

 

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

January 2016

Making SMART Goals

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. 

Proverbs 16:3

 

    Americans across the country resolve to better themselves every New Year’s day. Each has a list of ideas that are some deviation of dropping a few pounds, following a family budget, making more time for family and being more consistent with their quiet time. Americans across the country have a very different experience on the second day of the year. The second day of January is when Americans usually throw each resolution out of the window to be found again on the next year’s New Years day. 

    The reason the majority of New Year’s resolutions fail is that they are very poorly formed goals. Just like traveling without an accurate map will get you lost, living without well formed goals will leave you feeling lost. Accomplishing goals takes forethought and planning. A great way to make well formed goals is to make “smart goals.” Each goal should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time sensitive. If you are waiting to accomplish something make it as specific as possible, give yourself a way to measure so you know when you’ve done, make sure what you want to do is actually attainable by you realistic for your age and stage in life, and lastly, give yourself a time frame for it to be done. For example, if your goal is to drop a few pounds, your SMART goal would look more like “I would like to lose 10 pounds by May.” Once you have a SMART goal take the time frame you’ve given yourself and make smaller objectives so you know what you’ll need to do each week until then to make it happen. Now that the obligatory New Years resolution making time is over please feel free to make some real SMART goals for yourself and your family.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

December 2015

Relational Boundaries

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

In the 90s movie Rounders, Matt Damon plays a professional card shark. The movie starts with a voice over of him saying “Listen, here’s the thing. If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.”  While I don’t condone gambling the point he makes here is profound when you apply it. 

 

As each of you spend time celebrating the holiday season, you will inevitably find yourself at a table surrounded by friends and family.  Consider Damon’s above quote from a relational prospective. If you cannot spot the “crazy” one in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the “crazy” one. WhenI say “crazy” here I don’t mean diagnosed with a mental illness, I mean poor boundaries. Colloquially, more times than not, people use the term “crazy” to describe others who have poor boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines you draw around yourself that let others know where you end and they begin and what you are responsible for and what they are responsible for. Just like the old adage says, “good fences make good neighbors” and good boundaries make good relationships. Often when people speak of others being “crazy” they are really saying this person is infringing upon their boundaries. People always notice when others boundaries are too lax or too rigid. People with boundaries that are too rigid allow no one in, cannot consider others opinions, and are inflexible relationally to the discomfort of others. People with boundaries that are too lax allow everyone in too much and speak too freely, they overly consider others opinions and cannot identify their own, and they are overly flexible relationally to their own discomfort. 

 

Usually, boundaries are a blindspot only to the individual. During your self-evaluation you may need to incorporate a trusted friend or family member. Remember, others can always spot poor boundaries but more often than not they just call it “crazy.” If your interested in learning more about boundaries a great read is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter.