May 2016

Feeding Sin

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Moreover, keep Your servant from willful sins; do not let them rule over me. Then I will be innocent and cleansed from blatant rebellion. Psalms 19:13

 

 

    A couple months ago our family dog went missing. Since then we (and various people in our community) have been on the lookout for a handsome brown and white boxer named Eli. About a month ago we got a call about a dog someone saw on the side of the road. He was skinny, he was weak, he was scared. We should have just left him there in hopes that he would make back it to his home. We shouldn’t have felt so sorry for him. We shouldn’t have taken him to our house and we definitely shouldn’t have fed him. Needless to say - for the last month, we have been housing a stray dog.

        At first, it was novel. We missed our dog and this dog was similar to ours - but it wasn’t ours. We felt sorry for him and started feeding him. He gained weight and began to look healthier and happier. At first, he was cute, but soon he became not so very cute. He knocked over our trash cans, he tore up our trash, he laid on plants in our garden, and he seemed to think our whole yard was a bathroom. We knew we couldn’t keep him - our other dog was an inside dog and this dog was NOT an inside dog. I hoped each morning that I would wake up and he would just be gone - or when I came in from town he would be nowhere to be found but that was not the case. He was alway there. 

        In all of my complaining, someone explained to me in a very matter of fact manner, “He is never going to leave if you keep feeding him.” I never really thought about it that way. This dog snuck into my life just like sin does. At first, sin is novel but soon it becomes uncontrollable. It never simply goes away on its own when it becomes a nuisance - because you feed it. Sin must be starved. You must quit feeding sin by not partaking in it and creating boundaries around yourself that make partaking in that particular sin very complicated. You must be proactive with sin - you can’t expect it to disappear. As for the dog, being proactive looked like us actively finding his owners. As for sin, being proactive looks like finding accountability, confessing your sin, and creating a plan to starve the sin.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

April 2016

Waiting

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning. Psalms 130:5-6 

 

 

    My husband and I planted our garden on Good Friday. This is the first year we have ever planted a garden in our yard. Usually, our house serves as a kind of hospice for plants - it is the place they come to die. We’ve killed succulents, air plants, and cactuses. We’ve killed the kind of plants that florists will say are self-sufficient - maybe we heard it as a challenge. This year has been different. In the past few weeks, we have planted, waited, and seen things grow. 

    If you’ve ever done something in faith and had to wait for the results then you know where I’m going here. We planted the seeds, used fancy fertilizer, watered, and made sure they got sun. We woke up each morning and walked out to inspect and see if anything sprouted. Weeks went by and it seemed like nothing was happening. From the surface, it looked like we failed again. In life sometimes we find ourselves waiting for the Lord to do something. We do our part and we leave it to him but each morning we wake up and look to see if anything has happened and we see no change. 

    A friend told me the other day that when you plant the seeds they have to grow roots down and grow up through the dirt. When we see nothing happening on the surface the hard work for the plant is happening just under the surface. This is how waiting on the Lord is, too. We put in the work and begin to wait on the results but this is the time he is working under the surface. Don't give up praying. Wake up each morning to look for the sprouts of what God is doing in your life. 

    

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

March 2016

    The Most Taxing Time of the Year

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Then give backto Caesar what is Caesar’s, and to God what is God’s.”

Luke 20:25

 

    While March is usually known for the start of Spring, getting ready for Easter, and allergies it is also well known for tax season. I don’t know about you but there is something about doing my taxes that makes me want to perfect my budget. I guess it is seeing how much we really do spend on carwashes, cold drinks at the gas station, and coffee that puts things into perspective. Those big yearly totals are really helpful in seeing trends in spending and telling us something about our priorities. 

    Growing up my Mom and Dad always told me to tithe ten percent, save ten percent, and live off the rest. This was a great lesson for me in saving for the things I really wanted and giving even when I really wanted something for myself. I’ve also noticed this 10-10-80 budget works great for your time. If you “tithe” ten percent of your time to Lord you’ll be surprised how much you will accomplish. So many people say they don’t have time for volunteering at church, reading the Bible, prayer, and helping widows and orphans. If you tithe just ten percent of your time you’ll find you have almost two and a half hours a day. You have more time than you know! Next you can “save” ten percent of your time. Spend this time doing favors for your future self. You can make the coffee for tomorrow, get some exercise, floss your teeth, or do a few tasks you shouldn’t really put off. Your future self will thank you. Once you have taken the tithe time and the save time right off the top you will have eighty percent of you time to live off of. 

    This eighty percent of your day you have left amounts to 19 hours. Take a minute to budget your eighty percent. Include all those things that are true priorities to you. This should include sleeping, working, spending time with loved ones, spending time on hobbies, and spending time doing chores of various kinds. When you tell yourself how you will spend your day, just like telling yourself how to spend your money, your time won’t run away from you nearly as fast. 

    

 

Author Bio

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th.M., is the owner of Bent Tree Counseling in Clinton, La. She is currently a Licensed Professional Counselor and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist in the state of Louisiana. She is the wife of Cole Permenter, pastor of Bluff Creek Baptist and a doctoral student at New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary. Interested in counseling or have questions? Check out her website www.benttreecounseling.com.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

February 2016

    Spring Cleaning

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.

Psalms 51:10

 

    The first day of Spring is creeping up on you. March is right around the corner. The weather is about to change. Before you know it the flowers will be blooming, allergens will be flying, and the compulsive need to spring clean will over take you. It happens every year, as the season changes people feel the need to get their “stuff” together. This year when you start to feel the need to clean up and out around your home remember to check for intangible “stuff” in your life that might need to go, too.

    People need differing degrees of two types of structure in their lives, internal structure and external structure. When the urge to spring clean strikes people usually focus on external structure. They being to situate things in their external environment so they are structured in a way they can appreciate. Some people are highly structured and need things just so, others are less structured and can tolerate flexibility and uncertainty. When focusing on external structure each person feels “done” once they reach the optimal level of structure they desire. When it comes to internal structure, people seek to feel as if they have things in life under control. Sometimes people confuse the two and no matter how much spring cleaning or organizing they do it never seems finished. 

    When March comes around and you being to clean out the garage or junk drawer remember to look inward for things you may need to get rid of. This can include many types of things like unhealthy relationships, unhealthy habits, and poor coping skills. This spring don’t do it halfway. Do a full Spring cleaning inside and out. 

 

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

January 2016

Making SMART Goals

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. 

Proverbs 16:3

 

    Americans across the country resolve to better themselves every New Year’s day. Each has a list of ideas that are some deviation of dropping a few pounds, following a family budget, making more time for family and being more consistent with their quiet time. Americans across the country have a very different experience on the second day of the year. The second day of January is when Americans usually throw each resolution out of the window to be found again on the next year’s New Years day. 

    The reason the majority of New Year’s resolutions fail is that they are very poorly formed goals. Just like traveling without an accurate map will get you lost, living without well formed goals will leave you feeling lost. Accomplishing goals takes forethought and planning. A great way to make well formed goals is to make “smart goals.” Each goal should be Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time sensitive. If you are waiting to accomplish something make it as specific as possible, give yourself a way to measure so you know when you’ve done, make sure what you want to do is actually attainable by you realistic for your age and stage in life, and lastly, give yourself a time frame for it to be done. For example, if your goal is to drop a few pounds, your SMART goal would look more like “I would like to lose 10 pounds by May.” Once you have a SMART goal take the time frame you’ve given yourself and make smaller objectives so you know what you’ll need to do each week until then to make it happen. Now that the obligatory New Years resolution making time is over please feel free to make some real SMART goals for yourself and your family.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

December 2015

Relational Boundaries

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

In the 90s movie Rounders, Matt Damon plays a professional card shark. The movie starts with a voice over of him saying “Listen, here’s the thing. If you can’t spot the sucker in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the sucker.”  While I don’t condone gambling the point he makes here is profound when you apply it. 

 

As each of you spend time celebrating the holiday season, you will inevitably find yourself at a table surrounded by friends and family.  Consider Damon’s above quote from a relational prospective. If you cannot spot the “crazy” one in your first half hour at the table, then you ARE the “crazy” one. WhenI say “crazy” here I don’t mean diagnosed with a mental illness, I mean poor boundaries. Colloquially, more times than not, people use the term “crazy” to describe others who have poor boundaries. Boundaries are the invisible lines you draw around yourself that let others know where you end and they begin and what you are responsible for and what they are responsible for. Just like the old adage says, “good fences make good neighbors” and good boundaries make good relationships. Often when people speak of others being “crazy” they are really saying this person is infringing upon their boundaries. People always notice when others boundaries are too lax or too rigid. People with boundaries that are too rigid allow no one in, cannot consider others opinions, and are inflexible relationally to the discomfort of others. People with boundaries that are too lax allow everyone in too much and speak too freely, they overly consider others opinions and cannot identify their own, and they are overly flexible relationally to their own discomfort. 

 

Usually, boundaries are a blindspot only to the individual. During your self-evaluation you may need to incorporate a trusted friend or family member. Remember, others can always spot poor boundaries but more often than not they just call it “crazy.” If your interested in learning more about boundaries a great read is Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter. 

November 2015

Reconceptualizing Suffering

Rikki Permenter, MAMFC, Th. M.

Death, taxes, and suffering are said to be the only things you can’t escape in life. Everyone experiences each regardless of their age, gender, socioeconomic status, ethnicity, or religion. When suffering comes, as it inevitably does, it is hard to think of any good that could ever come from it. 

 

In Genesis 50, after Joseph experienced being hated by his own brothers, sold, forced into slavery, lied about, and forgotten he said something profound about the nature of suffering. In Genesis 50:20, he says to his brothers “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.” In the midst of great suffering he was able to see things that happened to him, even though they were horrible, brought about something good for himself and subsequently for an entire nation. He was able to see the big picture. Just like Viktor Frankl, holocaust survivor, is quoted in Man’s Search For Meaning  saying “In some ways suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of a sacrifice.” 

 

Take a moment to think about suffering in your own life from a big picture prospective and see if you can find times where suffering lead you to see a great thing God was doing. If you can’t find the good in it yet, don’t worry! Sometimes you won’t see the big picture on what God is doing until the other side of Heaven. Just know that in hard times we serve a good God who acts for his glory and our goodness.

This article can be found in print in the monthly Baptist Association of Southeast Louisiana newsletter.